Pictured here lies one of the huge reasons why I don't live in the south of France, even with a choice. At 3am this morning, I felt a tickling sensation on my chest and neck which woke me up - I was wrong in thinking it was a fly as you can see...

I don't know what on Earth it was, but in all my travels I'm not sure I ever seen anything so hideous; definitely not this close to home. It was the length of my hand, if not more, in this picture you can see its head and its segmented body; about an inch wide including the feet.

Safe to say that after 3am I didn't get much sleep at all. There are insects and then there's stuff which is just Doctor Who fodder; this is without a doubt one of the latter.

This is primarily why it feels so good to be back in Britain - no crazy mothers like that trying to crawl up your arse at night. Ugh, anyway, I had a good trip back; saw the new Wembley from the plane and yes, it's bloody massive.