What ho chaps it appears there’s a new food product on the market, they call it Steakon. What on earth could this new substance be? By jove - it’s only a steak wrapped in bacon! Golly, whatever next?

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, due to the useless fridge having frozen my steak I was going to have for dinner, I needed to find a way to cook it without burning the outside yet ensuring that the innards were not still frosted. What better buffer than bacon?

So, as a result of this, I give to you Steakon. If I need to be remembered for anything in my time, I wouldn’t be too upset if it was this; one of the greatest meals in history.

Having eaten this has severely reduced my chances of living until thirty, actually, I’ll be lucky if I wake up in the morning…