It’s 100% confirmed now. I am living in the twilight zone.

What kind of supermarket puts shampoo in security boxes? Expensive booze, DVDs, computer games, perfume and big boxes of cigars are all candidates for the bulletproof treatment. Hell, even razor blades make sense to some extent, although that annoys me.

This does more than annoy me though, it freaks me out. What the fuck is this place?

Am I going to have to get my cheese unlocked next? Will I need a key for the carrots? A password for the pizzas? I don’t want a battle for my baguette, thank you very much.

Alliteration aside (I don’t want to tempt fate), about ten yards over in a different aisle you can pick up a meat cleaver the size of your head without so much as a sniff in your direction. I’m sure the irony isn’t lost on you.

If you’re into stocks and shares, I would invest heavily in shampoo – it seems to have become a precious commodity.